Rock Bottom

Well yesterday was my 21st birthday and I can simply say that it was the worst birthday I've had....ever.

I only had one person to celebrate with and he doesn't like to drink or anything so it was quite the sober evening of me being miserable.

I thought things were going to be good because Marie is in town now and that she'd be nice enough to come out for just a little bit. Oh how wrong I was.

I ran into Marie a few days ago on the street as she was on her way to her first day of work. She asked me if I was available that evening and that she'd give me a call when she was done work. Well around midnight she messages me telling me she won't be coming out. Fine by me.

The next day I message her asking her if she has any free time to go do something. I got no reply.

The day after (which would be yesterday) she messages me and wishes me a happy birthday and then asks what I'm going to do and at what time. I give her the low-down and by 11pm (3 hours later) she still hasn't shown up and it's just my buddy Tjeerd and I doing nothing at this point. Plus Tjeerd had to go to bed early because of an early flight to Melbourne the next day. Out of curiosity I call Marie and get her voicemail. I leave a message asking her if she's still gonna come out or she wants to get together another time. I then walk home. Around 1am I get a message from Marie telling me "Sorry I can't come, this isn't working. You are a really nice guy and will meet a lot more people. Have fun. Marie" I'm blown away. This is like her way of breaking up with me......which would be fine if it weren't for the fact that WE WEREN'T DATING! Jeez. So she doesn't want to see me again and I can only assume was stringing me along the whole time.

For those of you who are playing along at home, your checklist should look something like this for Mike's Birthday:

No Money
No Job
No Transportation
No Friends up here (Just in this city)
No Girlfriend (which i didn't even know I had in the first place)

which equals no will to do anything!

Actually, this morning I felt much better. I called home and let my mum know of my frustrations, and Adam called me too and I explained the Marie thing to him. I think he was more shocked then I was.

I'm now more miserable then I have ever been in my entire life. It's one thing to be depressed and feeling lonely when you are still surrounded by your friends and family. It's another to be alone in a city with no friends and now a woman who hates you for no reason.

Even on the walk into town today I passed right by Marie and received one of the coldest stares from her that I wasn't even aware she could produce. It really makes me wonder what I did. In the past I can usually pinpoint problem areas, but this time I'm coming up empty. All we did was have a fun time in Sydney. We agreed to meet in Cairns and messaged each other and ran into each other everywhere in between. I really don't know what I did wrong and I'd really like to know what it was. The biggest problem is it's not a very big city and I've run into her twice already then I can assume I'll be running into her quite a bit if she's working here too.

It hurts cause I really did like the girl and I thought it could have been something great because of how it evolved from what was supposed to be a one night stand, to two people having a great time and a few laughs as they travel up the coast.

I suppose that saga has ended.

The hardest part about this is it's the first time that when I've become unhappy with a city I can't leave. At least with Brisbane I was able to jet when things went to poop. Now I have to start from scratch.

I now need a job so I can leave this city as soon as possible and get on with my life.

God bless the fates for thinking that I need to be punished for something horrible that I've done in this life time.