It's been awhile

Holy chow! That month called February just flew by didn't it?

OK, now that I left everyone in suspense about what has happened to me, I'm back to inform you all..... absolutely nothing. I was just so poor that I couldn't afford to pay for Internet time. Yup, I was the man with 40 cents for the last 3 weeks. Everything is a bit better now. I'm a real rags to riches story.

Who wants to read about my last month? Everybody? Yay

Alright, I believe I last left off with Fie ripping my heart out of my ass. Yup, sounds like a good place to pick up on. (Fie actually didn't hurt me that much. It took me all of a week to get over her)

So I ended up getting a job with sales and marketing company, and guess what I had to do? Door to Door sales! You know those guys who ring your doorbell while your eating supper, watching the Simpsons or on the can? That was ME!! What was I selling? Electricity!! Yup, i was trying to get people to convert from one electricity company to another. Needless to say I sucked at it and only did it for a week. Even better thing is I got screwed out of all the money they owed me for my sales because the contract said I had to work a certain amount of time and make a certain amount of sales before being eligible to get paid..... what kind of bullshit is that? So the money that I thought would save my life...... didn't.

Next up, I've been doing office relocations the other half of the time and man oh man one of these removal companies is the most unorganized company in Victoria. We had about 12 backpackers doing all the work and 3 guys who did the driving of the vans who sat around doing fuck all and telling us to get back to work. Then we'd load up the truck to the way they wanted it only for them to realize that they want it loaded up differently. Frustrating as hell and the pay is crap. So what does this leave for little ol me? FRUIT PICKING!!!

I'll be off next week to fruit pick my life away for the much needed money. Everyone else seems to have done it and they make mad loads of money. So I figure it's my turn.

In sadder news, my best buddy Adam has left for New Zealand then carries on to go home to Manchester. My best buddy whom I knew from my 2nd week in Oz.... the guy who travelled with me off and on from Melbourne to Brisbane. Gone...... Now I need a new best friend. Before Adam left we got to go to the Free day at the Grand Prix track. I got a picture of myself with the Ferrari girls too. (that one will go up in the gallery when I get a chance). Adam took one of my jumpers too!!! That bastard. I left it with him one night when he was crying bout how cold it was outside, so I gave him a sweater and I never got it back! It's all good though, we had major discussions about having him come to see me in Canada either this summer or the next, and then we'd discuss what we were going to do when I get out to England. It makes me all giddy inside. We spent one whole day at a pub (12pm - 8pm) drinking and remembering our time together and everything we've done.

Back to my penniless problem. You're probably wondering how it was I survived without any money, right? one word for you... MOOCH! That was me. No, I wasn't a bum on the street and I didn't bug people for money, but instead I would romance women who would feed me and buy me drinks at the bar. I shall never buy a drink for a woman again, for now I know that it works the other around too. Wheee!

Somewhere along the lines of my life, the powers that be (fate? if you believe in that. I'm becoming a very scared believer in it now) decided it would be fun just for shits and giggles that we thrust my favourite German woman back into the spotlight of my life. Freja made a wonderful return into my life only 5 days ago. Now, the last time I talked with her was when I ran into her in Cairns on my last day back in early Jan when we had a good talk and things seemed pretty smoothed over. Well, things just didn't feel quite right. She happened to check into the same hostel that I've been at for the last 2 1/2 months and she was quick to learn that I was staying there. I saw her probably only an hour after her checking in and you'd think I'd be happy to see her again... I wasn't. I couldn't even smile at the girl. We both gave each other a blank stare and moved on like we had never met each other before. I was tired of doing this same old dance where I see her, get excited and go up and talk like it's old times. The true test would be if she would talk to me first. It took a day and I think the jealousy factor may have played a part in it, but she finally spoke up and asked me how things were going. It was in the evening out front of the hostel with some friends of mine just talking shit like usual. Freja was on the steps smoking and watching me like a hawk (how uncomfortable) when a group of English girls came by and we all started to have a laugh with them. Freja didn't say a word until she could see that me and one of the English birds were getting pretty close. I didn't talk with Freja very much considering that I want her to believe that I'm over her and want nothing to do with her..... when in fact it's quite the inverse of that. The whole ordeal left me emotionally drained.

So if the current routine holds firm then the next time I shall encounter Freja will be in the month of May in the city of Perth (I'm just taking a stab in the dark on the location). I'm counting on it, for I'm sure it will be the last time that I see her in Australia, but I'd like to make sure it's not the last time I ever see her.

On the flip-side if this pattern continues then I calculate that the next time I'll meet another girl that will have a big impact on me could be in April. How sad that I see in pattern in my lifes events.

I'm already planning my trip to Europe and where I want to go while I'm there. I already know I'll be spending an incredible amount of time in England (2 year working visa! Booya!) and Germany, however long it is I can stay there. Anyone who wants to join me start saving your Pennies for we fly in 2007.

Welcome to ouch-town. Population: You

The weeks seem to get better and better around here.

Things with Fie got back to normal and even shifted a little bit in my favour of things possibly being a bit more serious.

On Monday (31st of Jan) I was in the kitchen having breakfast as per usual, when Fie comes along around the same time she usually does and sits down with me to chat about our usual jargon of nothing. She asks me what I had planned for my day and told her that it was about time I put some serious effort into looking for a job, at which point she asks me if I could do that tomorrow and hang out with her since she has the day off. So we head down to St.Kilda to enjoy the extremely sunny day at the beach. Fie was even brave enough to lay in the sun topless. She even asked me if it was okay with me to do that. Well of course it is. I've already seen them so I don't exactly care anymore. After toasting ourselves in the sun for 3 hours we went and had some lunch and off to do something fun. At least fun for Fie.... yup, it was Shopping. Ugh! I spent my time taking the piss out of her on all the shoes that she liked. All in all, a fantastic day.

The rest of the week progressed as usual. We would see each other in the morning before she left for work, then again in the evening when she came back. One night when we had almost everyone in our dorm room around in the room at the same time we were all talking about the normal guy stuff and I made fun of David (like usual) because he's slept through people shagging on the bunk below him twice. We took the piss out of each other for awhile when my phone goes off with an SMS message. Everyone thought it was Fie, but I knew it wasn't because she didn't have my number. It happened to be my best English female friend, Amy. So everyone in the dorm thinks that I'm playing two women (which I wasn't, but I probably could have). I ended up agreeing to go to the bar with Amy for the night. I quickly got changed and as soon as I opened the door to leave Fie was on the other side ready to knock (what are the chances). She tells me that "we need to talk" alright, I was ready for this from the beginning and just didn't care cause I wanted to go see Amy anyways. Instead of hearing the usual banter of how we can't get close to each other blah blah blah... Fie just wanted to tell me about her day. She just needed someone to bitch to. Then she seemed quite jealous when I told her that I was off to spend my night drinking with Amy. I didn't feel too upset by it.

After that Fie seemed to step up her efforts to keep my attention. I must say, it worked. We spent even more time together, and on Friday night I made her supper and it seemed like things could have been going excellent for us. She ended up rating all my music and seems to have the same tastes as I, and we spent the rest of Friday night cuddled up in an empty kitchen just talking and drinking tea. Things couldn't get much better.

The weekend was drab. Really boring, and I was working on distancing myself from Fie considering that she was leaving on Tuesday morning. She caught wind of this by Sunday and kept telling me that I was acting weird (I actually wasn't acting weird. I just wasn't spending as much time with her was all). Then it happened last night, her last night in Melbourne. We were down in the bar and she was heading off to bed so I decided that I have to ask for some contact details to keep in touch. Especially if she was to keep her promise of showing me around Copenhagen when I get to Denmark. Instead she told me no. She didn't want to give me her email address or phone number. She felt it was best that we just keep what happened over the last week, as it was and not tempt fate. I was so heart-broken. I guess I was a bit blinded by the way we had gotten along so well. So here I am, feeling a bit lonely about the whole thing. Dave is doing his best to keep me entertained and just make fun of me like usual. It works sometimes. As my buddy Joe put it, I'll hurt for a bit until I meet the next best girl and then I'll have problems remembering Fie's name after that. I know it's true and I suppose it's my turn to wait it out again. I can only hope that I don't have to wait another 2 months before something comes up again.

Read warning labels

CAUTION: The following update contains some things that some people may not want to read about. So don't go reading the rest of this if you have a weak stomach or a wild imagination. You must be this tall to read this update, and those with heart conditions or those that are pregnant are highly advised not to read..... now on with the show.

How good is your reading comprehension people? If it's bad, just skip down to my first entry of January (i think). I mentioned a girl that was around while I was doing my laundry who I thought was cute, but a bit scary in the way she kept smiling at me. Anyways, I was finally able to chat her up about a week ago and we've been hanging out a bit ever since. Her name is Fie (Fee) and is from Denmark. Well she acts quite a bit different then the way she looks like she would. I would think that she's this cute little shy girl, but she's actually much like myself when it comes down to making fun of each other. At first I was cool with this, but then started to get mixed signals from her. One minute she'd be really sweet and nice, then the next she'd be slagging me off for something. It was kind of unattractive and rather annoying so I didn't feel to motivated to pursue anything further with her besides someone to chat with.

So the other night I was hanging out in my favourite spot.... the hostel bar. I was chatting up a cute dutch girl for about 3 hours and had already bought her most of her drinks for the night, when Fie shows up. She taps me on the shoulder and just says 'Hi', and I end up chatting to her for just a little bit. The dutch girl ends up finding someone else to talk with and Fie apologizes to me for wrecking my chances with her. I was a bit frustrated, but tried not to let it show and offered Fie a drink instead. Declining my offer she instead steals my beer. ugh. what a cheeky girl. At this point I'm not drunk, but I'm about borderline tipsy, meaning I say what I'm actually thinking. I eventually tell her how I hate that I can't figure her out because of her "hot and cold" attitude towards me. She just giggles about it as I continue to go on my rant of how annoying I find it when she tells me "I'll make things a bit easier for you" and we end up kissing. Well I'm a happy camper at this point and we end up moving from the bar over to the lounge area with all the couches. We end up snogging for about an hour or so with some small chit chat between coming up for air. Then she becomes really forward by asking me "Do you want to have sex tonight?" Tell me how many guys would turn that offer down? The only downside being, she's sleeping in a 12 person dorm and myself in a 6. Weighing our options my very full 6 person dorm became the shag pad of choice for the night. The challenge: Being VERY quiet. A task not easily accomplished on the bottom bunk (with my good mate Dave above me. Thankfully he slept through the ordeal). On our way up from the bar through reception I let go of her hand and she passed me a puzzling look. I quickly explained how I don't think anyone should see us. She disagreed, so right in front of the reception desk in front of maybe 10 - 15 people she puts the tongue down the throat again. Okay, she made her point, but then she had to rub it in a bit by doing it again in the elevator with more people in there. I felt a bit embarrassed.

So Fie is a bit different in bed then what I'm used to, but I lived. She likes to be the one in control, where as I like being in control as well. You can imagine arguing about small things while trying to whisper and please each other at the same time. That's the kind of multi-tasking I'm not exactly good with. I eventually just caved in and told her we'd do everything her way. Which was rather annoying because it made me feel a little inadequate, like she didn't trust me. Plus, it didn't help that she had told me how many other guys she has shagged since being in Australia (the number is quite high), meaning I'm thinking she's a bit loose, could be carrying some kind of disease by now and worst of all, she's going to compare me to everyone else she's gone to bed with. That left me feeling a bit off and I know I was not the best she'd ever had. Now, another problem is it's been really really hot at night recently and our rooms don't have fans or AC in them. Plus with 6 people crammed into a small room it gets even worse. So when it comes to the end and Fie says "Alright, lets cuddle til we fall asleep" this lasted about 30 minutes before she kicked off the Duvet cover and told me it was way too hot and that she was gonna go back to her room. Okay, I'm much more used to the girl spending the night afterwards as well, so that hurt me a bit, because I wasn't sure if she really was that hot or if it was an excuse to leave. Plus she told me that it was a one night thing and that we have to go back to normal... and then right after her telling me that while she was getting dressed she tells me goodnight, and I did the same and she stood there waiting. I ask what's wrong and she tells me that I'm supposed to kiss her.... I'm thinking what the heck for? I did it anyways just to keep her happy. Now, I'm alright with that if I were never going to see her again, but the truth is she's around for another week. Yikes. I work much better when I can one night stand on my last night in a place or the girls last night. Not seeing them again makes things that much easier to get over. Where as in this case, I had already liked Fie for a bit, and I'm still hanging out with her after the fact. maybe this wasn't such a good idea in the first place.

The next day was tough on me. I told Dave everything (he's my best mate at the hostel and really open when it comes to sex) and we spent the day away from the hostel so I could try and avoid her for a bit (how childish am I?) We actually took two fishing rods that had been left in our room by a previous room mate and took them to cash converters for some cash. 35 bucks for not doing anything? Oooooh yeah!

I eventually did decide that I really should talk with Fie just to see how normal things could be. I think we both had a hard time with it, but things went better then expected. She's being really nice to me and things flowed quite smoothly. Even this morning we sat down and had breakfast together in a polite and civil manner. Maybe things could go back to normal?

We went through this already...

Happy Australia Day!

Australia day is pretty much the same thing as Canada day. A day off from work to drink yourself stupid and watch pretty fireworks. Now this would be pretty special if it weren't for the fact that this is everyday life for Ozzies... in some cases the fireworks are an everyday event as well. So it's business as usual in the southern hemisphere.

The last few days have been Deja Vu fueled. Lets see if I can recap in my hungover state.

So the other day when I'm in the hostel kitchen making my supper I catch a glimpse of this crazy beautiful girl. I do a double take because I thought I had seen her before and not in Melbourne. I continue my cooking ways until she approaches me and says what I was thinking, "I know you from somewhere." Well, seems I wasn't going nuts. Turns out we were both staying at the same hostel in Cairns for the same amount of time. We just never ever talked to each other. So Amy and I sat down and had a quick conversation over supper about what we did in Cairns and how it was so weird that we never felt the need to talk to each other for a whole two months of living in the same complex.

After we were done eating and cleaning up she asks me if I would like to join her and her friend in the bar for a few drinks. I'm not stupid, I'd never say no to an invitation like that. The rest of the evening was filled with non-stop conversation. Not once did we have a silent pause. Not only that, but we seem to like all the same stuff, our birthdays are exactly a month apart (well she's actually a year and a month older then me) Oct 28 vs Nov 28. It was just too funny how we could even finish each others sentences sometimes. We engaged in a few games of pool and had an over all terrific time with each other. If it weren't for the fact that she told me that she's swearing off boys for the next little bit I would've kissed her, cause things were getting that close. Even better news is she's going to be moving into St. Kilda, the exact area where Adam and I are going to be moving into and she's sticking around Melbourne for 3 months. She's even hinting at the idea of her and I travelling together for a bit because her friend, Tanya, goes back home in 3 months and she doesn't want to be alone. I'm hoping that this is finally going to be my silver lining out of the last month of women having no interest in me.

So, Ozzy Day! Actually, not much happened apart from a lot of drinking in Adams backyard. They had an inflatable pool set up so we could all get drunk in the pool for awhile. Good fun was had by all. Adam disappeared for a bit and his lady friend who he fancies (and has shagged) Anthea, stuck around with me and kept me company. There were some points where she was getting a smidgen too friendly with me which I was uncomfortable with due to the fact that I know Adam is really into her. Don't get me wrong, Anthea is an amazing woman. She's gorgeous, funny and studied that same thing that I did in college, so we naturally have a lot in common, but I had to keep changing subjects, chairs, anything to keep Anthea from getting too close and try to resume anything with me in case Adam were to return at any minute.

After 5 hours of hard drinking I started to feel it and Adam and I both had to make a visit to the alley way and empty out the bad mojo. When I returned I had 3 ozzy girls looking after me who kept bringing me water and talking to me. One girl said she thought it was so funny that even in my drunken state I was still polite. Of course I was the hit with most of the women seemings as how everyone at the party was either English or Australian and me being the only Canadian made me ripe for the picking. Turns out a lot of people had already heard about me through Adam telling his stories of adventures travelling north. I was told that I was a legend for sticking it out so long with Adam.

That's about it. So to Recap:

-Met Amy, an English girl, whom is super fantastic.

-Got Drunk on Oz day

-Had to fight off another pretty English girl who is off limits to me.

wow, what a week.

The Age old question

I seem to have hit a nice little slump in my whorish ways. Not that I haven't been in one for the past few months, but now I'm at least putting some effort into it again now that my depression has lifted.

In one week, count'em 7 days, I have lost my chance with four girls..... four! that's almost a whole hand of fingers to count with. Yikes. How has it happened? Glad you asked....

Girl the first: One of my room mates was this cute English chick whom I had gotten into talking with quite a bit. One night I invited her out to come to Rock and Roll Wrestling in St. Kilda with Adam and all his friends (I'll get to rock and roll wrestling in a bit). She declined, but offered me a counter offer of joining her in the hostel bar for drinks that night instead. I told her that I'd try to meet up with her a bit later. Well I got so engaged with Rock and Roll Wrestling that I didn't end up getting back to the hostel til about midnight. I frantically searched the bar in hopes that I hadn't lost my chance with her. Well, knowing my string of luck you can guess what happened. Some other guys told me she met someone else and they had left at about 10pm. Crushed, I went to bed at about 2am and was awakened at 5am by this English girl fucking the guy she picked up at the bar. Oh the horrors. I got no sleep that night for she is a smidgen on the loud side when she gets excited. Thankfully, she moved out the next day.

Girl the Second: Another English girl. A few years older then me, but you wouldn't think that would be a problem? At least she told me it wasn't. I was actually telling her how older girls usually react differently to me once they find out how old I really am, hence I usually stick to people my own age or younger. She assured me that the age has nothing to do with anything and that I look older and act older so she's fine with it. I had spent 3 days getting to know her and on the last night she kept making references about how her dorm is pretty empty and I can come back up to her room after we were done drinking. I'm all cool and calm about it... just in my usual Mike way of course, until another guy that I was talking to earlier came into the picture.

Back story on other guy: Another English guy, the same age as the English girl. I was only talking to him cause the bartender saw us both sitting alone (which I was fine with because I was waiting for the English girl. I wasn't a loner.) and 'made' us talk to each other. The guys cool enough, but he didn't have to ruin my night.

Back to the story: So the English girl is all interested in who my new friend is and they end up talking the rest of the night and don't even bother to look at me until the English guy is nice enough to get me back in the conversation. Being a guy he asked me about my sexual encounters with the girls out here and which nationality I think is best, before I can answer the English girl is disgusted because she thinks I'm too young to be doing that sort of thing. Too young? After she told me that age doesn't make a difference at all? Well it turns out they both got really friendly in one of the women's shower stalls (says the English guy) about 15 minutes after I left. Woohoo! Go me. The English just aren't biting.

Girl the third: My own fault really. I was doing my laundry and reading one of my German books and I happened to notice this girl staring at me and smiling. So I do the polite thing and smile back and go back to reading. She ends up looking around a bit before smiling at me again and kind of cocking her head to side. I still don't pay much attention to it. She ends up leaving for a bit walks by about 10 minutes later still staring and smiling. OK, now I'm creeped out. But I assume I wouldn't have gotten creeped out if I had just talked to her the first time around when I noticed that she was cute instead of burying my head back into the German language. I still see her around, but like I say it's just a bit creepy now and no longer cute.

Girl the fourth: Just last night I pulled off some good old Canadian charm and ended up chatting to a girl from Norway. She joined me for a bit in the bar before she had gone back to her room to sleep. At about 1am she came back down to the bar after having a shower and getting all prettied up. I was actually kind of amazed at how stunning she was and in all honesty when she came up to me asked me if I remembered her I seriously didn't know who she was. I felt like such a knob for that one. So we talked a lot more and she kept giving off these signals with her moving closer to me on the couch and touching me. Well, what's a guy to do but respond in kind? I tried to touch her hand and she recoils. She didn't change facial expression or even stop talking, but it was apparent that she wants to touch me, but I'm not allowed to touch her. jeez.

That's not even all my failed attempts. Most of the time I just have the problem with too many "Pretty" guys coming over and stealing the girls that I'm talking with. My analogy for it was: I'm the fisherman out on the boat pulling in this great big net of fish, then some fucking ass pirate comes along, steals my fish and sinks my boat! Okay, it's a bit over the top, but still frustrating as hell.

Okay, Rock and Roll Wrestling! The coolest thing I have seen since my return to Melbourne. It's held in a dirty little bar all the way in the dirty side of town called St. Kilda. They have a hardcore rock and roll band play about half a set and then they do a few matches of WWE style wrestling. Oh it's so cheesy, plus how they all have their personas and little back stories. It really is a soap opera for men. Too bad I didn't have my camera with me at the time. That would've been some quality shots.

I'm off to try and beat this "Age" dilemma with a cardboard tube.

These are a few of my favourite things

At this point I believe it's natural to begin to miss certain things. The most obvious would be family and friends, but I won't go into that. I'm talking about being a bit more materialistic.

Laptop: Poor little guy. He's just gonna collect dust for the next little while.

Cellphone: My god how I miss my cellphone! I know it serves me no good out here except for the use of text messages, but I miss having it clipped to my belt and being able to look at it and see that I have voicemail or messages. It gave me that feeling of importance.

My Music Collection: I wasn't able to burn all my music before coming out here and now I'm really wishing I had an extra week to get the rest and even buy new stuff. CD prices out here are horrible. That still hasn't stopped me from buying them though.

TV: Even though I didn't watch much for TV back home, I think I just miss Canadian/US commercials. Oz commercials are starting to bug me. It's still unknown to me if they show 24 out here. For the sake of everyone I encounter they better air 24.

REAL Football: I can't figure out Aussie Rules Football for the life of me. I've resorted to Soccer and Cricket. Aashish should be proud of me for trying to figure that game out.

Hockey: The only hockey people know out here is field hockey. I have to make sure I say ICE hockey when I talk about the sport. I want to see the World Cup Hockey! Canada is doing so well from what I've read.

I can't say it's all bad though. Out here at Subway they have pineapple as a topping choice. I thought it was strange at first, but then tried it and I'm kind of dumbfounded as to why we haven't taken that up yet. If it's also true that out here the Asians from Japan bring all the crazy fads with them, then the next one to hit north America (if it hasn't already) is going to be video messaging on cellphones. I can't believe at how popular that is over here. Cellphone are also going to get bigger again instead of smaller. Who'd have thunk it?

On the move

The other night my brother went out to some artsy-fartsy movie that I wouldn't enjoy so I decided I'd be a bum and lay around the rez building for the evening. My bro's next door neighbour, Derek, came by and asked if I wanted to go to the pub with him and some other folks from the building and possibly some other rez buildings. I'm not one to turn down an invite so I jumped on the chance and went to the pub and had a great time. I got to meet a few other folks from different buildings and some more Canadians (woohoo). My night ended up turning out okay after all and I suppose I can't write off that day as a total crap shoot.

Friday was interesting. I spent my last day with my bro and in the evening, after we were done with his campus radio show, I grabbed my bag and headed off again into the great unknown. I had already done some research on which hostel I figured I'd want to stay in so I was a bit ahead of the game in my planning for once. I made my way up to Hotel Bakpak and got myself settled. They have a bar in the basement so I quickly made my way down. In the elevator I met an Irishmen named Ray who took me around and introduced me to his crew that he's been hanging with. We played about 10 games of pool and I wasn't playing too horribly until the last 2 games. Soon afterwards another bloke who was watching us play pool started to talk to me. I would end up spending the rest of my night chatting with him. He's a Kiwi named Steve and is a damn funny guy. I continued to get more lucky as I met, amazingly, another Calgarian. Her name's Michelle and we spent most of our time trying to figure out if we both knew any of the same people. It was a long shot, but still provided for some fun conversation.

I was lucky again to get a room by myself and have a good quiet sleep in an actual bed! No more sleeping on the floor for me. This morning I crossed the street and went over to the Queen Victoria Market. It's quite the bustling market. You got everything from fresh Produce and meats, to T-shirts, pants, bags and other stuff. It's all pretty well priced as well. I saw the didgeridoo I want! Too bad it would put me back $150 and then I'd have to carry it wherever I go. When I come back to Melbourne before I go home I'll make sure to get one, a boomerang and hopefully an Australian flag that I can put on the wall of my room when I get back. So many things that I want, and so many things to get for others, but not enough room in my bag, or I don't feel like trucking it across the country. I'll have to figure something out. Maybe buy it and mail some of it home. That will cost more money...... damn, I need a job.

Upside down laziness

Sunday was pretty much a mirror image of how my Sundays back home are.... lazy. Yup, it was a lazy Sunday. I guess I can't say that I didn't do anything though. My brother, One of his residence mates and I went shopping and picked up some of the essentials. My essentials being Tim Tams, probably the best biscuit/cookie I've ever had the pleasure of consuming. They should put warnings on the boxes to these things. Anything that warns people of the addiction that they are about to experience. I'm almost all out and feel that I have to take the tram back to the store to buy more. I fear my trip has been financially hindered by my Tim Tam addiction. Beaten by a cookie, how degrading. The next step will be to try and smuggle some back into Canada. That could prove troubling considering how much trouble it was just trying to get into the states without smuggling anything in.

I was lucky enough to experience Nigel's cooking last night. This Kiwi can cook! (I don't believe I've mentioned before that he is from New Zealand.) Put him up against an iron chef, and make the theme ingredient lamb and you got yourself a battle. He cooked up a feast just for 3 of us. I was put to shame. I thought I knew my way around a range, but he could have whipped up a meal fit for royalty before I could boil a pot of water. I was surprised enough at the fact that he even cooked for me. I'm no sure I have too many friends who would cook my little brother, or even my older brother just out of the kindness of their hearts. Only about 30 seconds ago I was informed that he is cooking supper for us once again. I'm starting to feel like a real big mooch at this point.

Today was laundry day. It was boring... plus it rained pretty heavily which only reinforced my thoughts of how Melbourne is a lot like Vancouver. I'm thinking I may have to cut loose and make my way to a hostel in the city within the next 2 days. I figure staying with my brother for a week is good enough and it's time for me to get on my adventurous ways. I seem to have gotten too comfortable too quickly around here. I get along with most everyone in the residence. In fact, last night the cute Norwegian girl made me watch Olympic handball with her and taught me as the game went along. Seems she played handball for 10 years and knows the game inside and out. We then got into some good conversation about education systems in other countries and how they compare to our own. I'm quite intimidated by her now. She's so smart and passes it off as nothing. I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid and I'll no longer be worthy of chatting with her. I do take pride in the fact that she said I was one of the few people that was actually able to pronounce her name correctly. Too bad I can't spell it. It sounds like Ing-Vale. That is of course how you would say it, not spell it. Seems most people call her Ingrid because they can't remember her real name. What a trooper.

Hopefully I'll sleep easier tonight.... well as easy as someone sleeping on the floor of a shoebox can be.

Par-tay

The past couple of days have been pretty much a non-stop party.

Yesterday I got to watch my brother and his friends do their radio show on the campus radio station. It was fun to experience and kind of gave me an interest in the radio business. We'll see how long that actually lasts.

We then went to some pub not too far away from the University and just ended up getting a few drinks and some food. One of my Bro's friends suggested that we just grab some more alcohol and go back to campus and watch TV. Wow, it's like they are reading my mind sometimes. So the adventure began with trying to find a suitable bottle store which sold good stuff, plus a grocery store to buy some munchy type things. We gathered our materials and headed back to the common room at the University to watch some TV. It seemed that a lot of other people had the same idea. We had quite the party going on in the common room on Friday and it ended up being more fun then I had thought it would be. I was able to get a chance to talk with some of the other people that live in the same rez as my brother. I was lucky enough to talk with a very cute Norwegian girl for an hour or so, and in that time I still didn't catch her name. I've also met one of the nicest and most talkative person ever. His name is Derek and he always has a crazy story to tell or has 10 questions lined up to ask you. Silence is not an option with that man. He's pretty taken with the sport of fencing and went so far as to show me how the basics are done. An interesting sport it is. It got pretty late and Derek and I cleaned up the common room as everyone else went to bed. I didn't notice how much I actually had to drink until I had to get up and move. Good night over all.

Today was fantastic. My brother and his friends, John and Meg took me into the city to explore. I first got the experience a bit of the Queen Victoria Market. It was closing up shop for the day (it closes very early on Saturdays apparently) but it was a good enough taste that I feel that I have to go back another day and experience it fully. We then grabbed lunch and poked into every interesting shop as we aimlessly wandered from street side to street side. The guys wanted to see some viewing of a new art movie called "The Control Room". We worked our way up to the theatre that showed it and bought some tickets. We then had some time to blow before the movie so we walked down another street which is filled with restaurants from every country. A guy will stand outside each place and as you walk by they will talk to you to try and make you go in and eat. They'll offer things like discounted meals or even free dessert. It was nice to have someone who was talking to me on the street have something to offer me for once, instead of it being a bum just wanting any spare change. We then headed back to the theatre and watched the Control Room. The movie was spectacular. It's about the news network Al Jazeera (the Arab equivalent to CNN) and how they covered the Iraq war. It was much more worth the watch then anything Michael Moore could have done. After the movie had ended I had an elderly lady approach me and ask me if I was American (she must have heard me and John talking before the movie started) and asked me about my views on the movie and the points it makes. I had to disappoint her by explaining that I'm Canadian, but I still made my views heard.

Onward to the pub! We started a search for a friendly and not so busy pub to have a drink at. We found one which was down an alley way. I felt uneasy about this alley way stuff, but it seems it's quite a common thing in Melbourne. They aren't scary Alleys like we have back home, but instead have shops lined all the way down them. At the bar the bartender asked me where I was from. When I replied "Canada" her next question was "What's your hockey team?" I told her it was the flames and she told me she was a Canucks fan. We had a small chat about hockey until the bar got busy and I had to let her get back to work. Always nice to hear that the triumphs of hockey have reached all the way to the southern hemisphere. After some drinks we went in a desperate search for food which just ended up being a few slices of pizza. At this point I wanted to go home, but Meg insisted on showing me the Crown, which is apparently the biggest Casino in the southern Hemisphere and it's placed right by the Yarra river. It's an amazing building. It has a hotel, shops, restaurants and finally the casino all under one roof. It looks like it does quite well considering how busy it was in there. We then just walked along the river side until it was time to head back to the tram station to head home.

The highlight of the evening was finding a road called Batman Avenue. It's pronounced slightly differently then the super hero, but I thought it was very amusing. There is also a Batman park. We need more streets and parks named after super heroes. They'd be way easier to remember for directions. So far so good in Oz.

We interrupt this show to bring you a commercial with 2 guys in sumo suits selling cellphones

I have not witnessed more horrible TV then the jargon they play down here. It's not just limited to their programs, but the commercials too! I have no real way of explaining it either, so now you all will just think I'm crazy. I may seriously have to tape some of these shows and commercials just to bring them back and let everyone else witness the craziness that is Oz TV.

They have their own version of everything. Australian Idol, Australian who wants to be a millionaire, Australian The Price is right. Australian rules football (which is actually like a more violent version of Rugby). It's scary. They even have their own version of Mad TV or SNL called sketch house. It would probably be funny if I understood what the jokes were about. I just laugh when the studio audience does.

The next big thing they have down here is Hungry Jacks. It's Burger King just with the name changed. Even the logo is the same. Apparently somewhere in the middle of nowhere there is a burger king and he got to keep his name while Burger King had to change theirs. Hence you get Hungry Jacks. I laugh whenever I see a commercial for it, and pretty much drew a crowd when I was laughing at the Hungry Jacks sign I saw on a street corner. I think they take their fast food seriously out here.

I'm starting to miss my party crew already. It's just not the same without being called up by someone to go play pool, go clubbing or even just to drink the night away. It's harsh. I've been sober for 48 hours. There should be no excuse for that. My older bro is supposed to take me drinking tonight, Oz style. We'll see if I can keep up.

I'm still suffering from major jet lag. I stayed up as late as I could last night to ensure I'd get up at a reasonable time today, which I did, but I'm still here falling asleep at the keyboard and it's only 6:30pm. Damn you international date line.

Today was an easy day. I slept, watched TV and when my brother got off of class we had some food and did his dishes. Now I'm here waiting for him to grab me so we can go to the campus bar. I figure I'll stay here another 2 or 3 days then book it to a hostel. other then that, I still don't have any plans for what I'm doing out here.

Still Plagued by thoughts of Crystal. Damn cute women and their long term affects on me. Worse then drinking or drugs.

Not much else to comment on for not much happened today for me to comment about. I'll make it more interesting in the days to come.

Welcome to Oz, where the local time is tomorrow

After 17 hours spent in the air and a 6 hour layover in Los Angeles, I finally set foot in the southern hemisphere. I'm getting too far ahead of myself. You're going to read this from the beginning and you're going to like it.

The journey began at Calgary International airport when I waved goodbye to my parents and stepped through the frosted doors which reminded you that you were no longer on Canadian soil, but instead U.S. soil. Welcome to the beginning of a torture practice which we know as customs. It's kind of like a gross-out horror movie. The beginning isn't too bad, but you know they are saving the best of the worst for last.

My first leg of the journey was a 3 hour flight down to L.A. It was a very disappointing flight. The Stewards really didn't seem to give a rats ass. They show up once to do their little dance display which is supposed to teach us how to stay safe in an emergency, and if needed they'll take their sweet time grabbing you a drink. Thanks guys, nice hustle. I was even sitting with a guy who all he could do was complain about Air Canada and how they keep losing his luggage. That now placed the same fear on me. I next had a fun run in with an Air Canada agent after arriving in L.A. The captain said that anyone with connecting flights should inquire with the agent to see where it is we go. I placed the obvious question; "Do you know where the Qantas check-in is?" I got a smart ass reply "the international terminal." Well, I suppose the more correct question was "how do I get to the international terminal?" "Go down the escalator and walk for 5 minutes." OK, sounds easy enough. Next question: "Do I have to claim my luggage and re-check it at the Qantas desk?" Agent: "I don't know. If it doesn't show up on the luggage carousal then you know it's been taken to the international terminal already." Helpful once again. I found the escalator... or escalators I should say. There was two... both said baggage claim on them, but they ended up going to different floors. Well how am I supposed to know which one is the correct one? I chose the one which had the most people on it and started walking. I reached the end of the terminal without finding the luggage carousal for my flight. I suppose I followed the wrong herd of people. I decided to play the game of chance and found that I now have to go outside to get to the international terminal.

I reached the Qantas desk and was greeted with 100% better service than I was receiving with Air Canada. Perhaps a sign to come from these delightful Australians? The desk agent took one look at me and offered me an emergency row seat. I turned it down because the emergency row seats in the Air Canada flight were cramped and I opted for an aisle seat so I didn't have to bug anyone anytime I had to get up for the potty. Well, once I saw how large of a space the emergency row has, not only would I have had enough leg room and the ability to get up and not disturb anyone, but there was room left over to park a small car as well. Oops. Next time, I'm listening to the smart lady behind the desk. I then went through the 'death march' which is U.S. customs. They have a security guard per person in line, and none of them say a word. They just prod you when they want you to move forward. Instead of removing metal objects from your pockets, they just want you to remove everything. I was really lucky though, The guy in front of me and lady behind me both had their bags searched. I took this as a sign of good fortune and ran for the gate before they decided to search my bag and ask me stupid questions. I then waited 4 hours for my flight to begin boarding. Lesson learned, I hate LAX.

The flight was still terrific. The plane was outfitted with the seats that had TV screens built into the headrests in front so you could watch TV and Movies and even play some video games. What a time to be alive. My flight went something like this: Watched Hellboy, had supper, went to sleep. Woke up, watched The Punisher, went to sleep, woke up, had breakfast, watched cartoons, got off plane. I was actually surprised to find that I had slept well over half the flight time.

I arrived in Melbourne at about 8am this morning upset that it was now Wednesday and I had lost a day of my life... until I go back across the international date line. Customs was pretty easy, except for the guy who kept looking at my passport trying to figure out if the picture was actually of me. He had a good sense of humour about it though. Now was the moment of truth, did my bag make it or was it lost in the depths of LAX? I believe my bag was actually last to come out, so by this time I was quite worried. I actually spent the entire time picking up bags for little old ladies who kept asking me to grab what was in front of me. I did it for the first lady to be nice, then all the old ladies copied her and put me to work. I had a run in with the cute little sniffing beagle dog. He seemed to take some sort of an interest in my bag and the guard asked me if I had any fruits or vegetables packed. I got off without having to get searched. Now if it was a drug sniffing dog I'd probably be in custody just because the dog liked me. After getting my bags scanned by X-rays for the 4th time I was able to leave the airport and take in my first view of Melbourne.

I got myself on a bus which took me downtown where I got off and started to walk. I didn't stop to think about which direction to go in, or even think about what it was I was looking for. I just started walking. I found a small Internet cafe and checked my email, and sent a note off to my parents to let them know I'm alive and well. At this point I needed to find a way of wasting time until the afternoon. I was planning on staying with my brother while in Melbourne, but I needed to wait until he was done school for the day. This "time wasting" task was not easily accomplished while lugging around a 22kg bag on your back. I decided to track down the department of immigration and get my visa label placed in my passport. With only a simple address and my skill with maps I was able to track down the place in 30 minutes, probably less. The longest part was just walking there. My friends back home would be proud that my navigational skills are still working, even in foreign countries. I then headed off in a random direction again and just walked around looking at stores and buildings. When it was closing in on the time that my brother should be getting off of school, I hopped into a cab and headed off to the University of La Trobe. The cabbie was a really nice guy who took it upon himself to educate me about the big hole in the ozone layer, which happens to be almost right above Australia. I arrived at the University campus in one piece and all the more educated on skin cancer prevention. It did not take long to meet up with my bro and get a chance to meet some of his friends. By 4pm I'm beyond tired, but can't sleep for a bit or else my internal clock will be all messed up.

My upside down adventure was off to an interesting start.